


Life is a Lemon

by pyrrhical (anoyo)



Series: Really Old Fic [13]
Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Introspection, Multi, Sadly Also a Songfic, kind of weird
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-01-16
Updated: 2003-01-16
Packaged: 2018-10-10 03:18:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10427979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anoyo/pseuds/pyrrhical
Summary: This time it was going to be different. Heero Yuy was sick of the same damn old thing every day. He got up, went to work, bored the hell out of himself, went home, bored the hell out of himself, went to bed, and did the whole thing again the next day! He was twenty-six and still lived in an apartment, had no girlfriend, hated his job, and had exhausted himself completely. He had no want to do anything. Nothing at all. Life was a pain. A royal one.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written 1/16/03. The song is "Life is a Lemon (And I Want My Money Back)" by Meatloaf.
> 
> This got all weird on me and rhetorical and philosophical, and then really dark. So. No idea where this came from. Other than that I was an emo high school Freshman.
> 
> Wait. That actually explains all of it.

This time it was going to be different. Heero Yuy was sick of the same damn old thing every day. He got up, went to work, bored the hell out of himself, went home, bored the hell out of himself, went to bed, and did the whole thing again the next day! He was twenty-six and still lived in an apartment, had no girlfriend, hated his job, and had exhausted himself completely. He had no want to do anything. Nothing at all. Life was a pain. A royal one.

 

_ It's all or nothing And nothing's all I ever get Every time I turn it on I burn it up and burn it out _

 

Heero had decided to change that. He was going to change the way he lived and the way people saw him. He was going to make something out of himself. He had too much going for him! Shit, who the hell are we kidding? There was no war, no fighting, no missions, jack squat to do, and he was getting close to being thirty! Heero had a job at the local hospital - it was something he had thought would be 'fun.' Well, that thought went down the shitter in an awful big hurry. He just sat around all day until a patient actually needed his care. All of the people he worked with were happily married and living normal lives. Heero's still consisted of nightmares about war and regrets about his actions. He had decided that it would be less painful to just leave all of his friends and try to be normal. He'd never be normal. His head still taunted him with memories of things he didn't want to know about.

 

_ It's always something There's always something going wrong That's the only guarantee That's what this is all about _

 

His relationships with all of his friends had been almost completely severed and he didn't know anything about them. He knew Relena was all right, but that was only because she was on the news practically 24/7. Heero had found that if there was anything in life that he wanted, it would be one of the things he was deprived of. He hadn't had a girlfriend ever, no one wanted to get to know him - he wasn't very social - and the world could care less about what happened to the man who once saved the world. No, make that twice. Heero had learned that if you do something wonderful for someone else - whether that be an entire planet or just one person - you weren't expected to get anything in return. Sure, there was the feeling of accomplishment for a little while. But - as in the phrase - that only lasted for a little while. He got sick of being congratulated, then people got sick of congratulating him, then people got sick of him, then he got sick of the people.

 

_ It's a never ending attack Everything's a lie and that's a fact Life is a lemon and I want my money back! _

 

His life had gone from the high wire to the dirt path that had been beaten by the many people who had traveled it before him. Now he was just the one that people looked at as if to say: 'Who are you again? You look familiar. Oh, so that's who you are. That's nice.' Heero's own confidence had been shot through. He had been the target for the many citizens taking gun training with words. He was a highlight to the world, and then a worn down bumper sticker. Well, Heero had decided that he didn't care whether the war was over or not. He was going to do whatever the hell his head told him to do. Right now, his head was telling him that he was worth something. Not as a human, but as a soldier. If it meant actually doing something, he'd start up a fight himself. He had it all planned.

 

_ And all the morons And all the stooges with their coins They're the ones who make the rules It's not a game - it's just a rout _

 

He had already decided what he wanted to do. He'd make an all-out attack. Sure, it'd piss a lot of people off, but he was bored. All of the skills that he had spent his entire life learning were just sitting in an afterthought. They were going to get rusty soon. Well, as they always say, when the tin man rusts, oil him down. That was exactly what Heero was doing.

 

_ There's desperation There's desperation in the air It leaves a stain on all your clothes And no detergent gets it out _

 

He was going to open up the chance for another group of young people to step up. His highlight was certainly over. He also knew about the flaws of the current government. They were just like the past. The only difference was the lack of weaponry. Well, Heero could take care of that. He'd set up the attacking force. The defenders would be supplied by the next group of radical saviors. His turn was over, so Heero had decided to help the next group get started. He was a master of all forms of stealth, so building up the organization wouldn't be too difficult. Heero briefly wondered it this was what the OZ officials had been thinking. He just shrugged. Who cared? He sure as hell didn't. He was going to help things along himself. He would lead the enemy from the rear. It would be fun waiting to see how long it would take his former comrades to recognize his style. This was going to be his big finale.

 

_ And we're always slipping though the cracks The movie's over - fade to black Life is a lemon and I want my money back! _

 

Heero wondered if they'd understand. Probably not. He didn't care. Each of them would react in their own way. That was fine. It was how it needed to be. If he defeated them, so be it. Then the next generation would have to step up. He knew that he could. But, there weren't many people who were as skilled as he, so that was a given. Heero almost smiled at the thought. He'd gather up the people who had worked for him before, then decide how to place them. Then he'd find more people. He'd only hire people whose backgrounds he could check. The rest, he'd kill. Spies weren't welcome, they'd ruin his fun. Heero knew that he'd probably gone mentally insane, but that was OK. The insane were very interesting. He knew that even though he'd gone insane, his skills had not left him. But, through this whole thing, there were two major points. Point one: let the next group have their fun. Point two: find out exactly how well his old friends knew him.

 

_ I want my money back I want my money back _

 

Heero thought of Relena. She'd probably spaz out. Well, what kind of pacifist would she be if she let people fight without getting mad. This time, though, she actually held a major position. The world would see her opinion. But, Heero knew that a few rowdy people would come and join him, but otherwise they'd side with her.

 

_ What about love? It's Defective! It's always breaking in half _

 

Heero had actually planned to propose to her. They had dated for four years, had gotten closer, and had probably been ready for it. Then Relena had changed. She had started to care about what the public thought of her. She thought of how it would look if she married a former soldier. No, she was expected to marry some wealthy man who stood a chance of running for some sort of office position. Heero had practically beaten himself up after finding this out. But, he decided that if that was how she was going to be, so be it. Yeah, right. Maybe when hell freezes over. He had gone practically mad! He had decided that it was her fault. Relena had changed for the worse while he gradually got better. When she had said that, he fell back to day one.

 

_ What about sex?! It's Defective! It's never built to really last _

 

He thought about Duo. He knew that Duo would try his hardest to understand, but he was likely to fail. Duo would probably think that it was some sort of overgrown joke and try not to blame him. Duo had seemed to think that helping Heero's self-image grow was his job. He had done everything possible to him to be nice and help him. He had succeeded - for the most part. Heero had been getting closer, but then fell back and left the playing field all together. He wondered if Duo even knew that it was because of Relena. He had probably figured it out by now.

 

_ What about your family? It's Defective! All the batteries are shot _

 

He though of the other Gundam pilots. Trowa would just contemplate it and set Heero as an enemy, Quatre would be devastated, and Wu Fei would just wonder why and insult him. Heero knew that they were probably the best friends he could ever with for, but that wasn't enough. He was sick of their pity. Quatre had always treated him as though he was about to break and Heero couldn't see why at all. His heart had just been too big. He would try just as hard as Duo to understand, and would probably find it hard to fight his ally, but would do it. Trowa and WuFei would act indifferent as to who he was, but Heero knew that they too would contemplate it.

 

_ What about your friends? They're Defective! All the parts are out of stock _

 

Heero thought of all the people who would die. He didn't know who any of them were, but he sincerely felt sorry for them. It would be his fault, and Heero would make sure that he died at the end. He'd hold out until the end, then he to would perish to join the land of the dead. His soul would honor the dead.

 

_ What about hope? It's Defective! It's corroded and decayed _

 

If God had wanted humans to live in eternal peace, he would have taken away their want for destruction and power. Heero knew that his soul would almost definitely go to Hell, but that was what war was about. Death and destruction. Heero truly didn't wish for hundreds of people to die, that was never the point of war. The point of this war was to test the peace of the people - and of his own heart. He had to bring feeling back into his numb body. He had been the one to bring about this peace, he would be the one to test it. Heero knew that was an excuse, but it would be a result. Part of his mind had already deducted that. Otherwise, the part of him that was still sane would never have agreed to this.

 

_ What about faith? It's Defective! It's tattered and it's frayed _

 

Heero also wanted to authority to change. The citizens of earth and the colonies deserved new authority. It was warped on the inside already, this new Nation. It had yet to come across any real trial. Sure, Mariemaia pushed it, but Heero would extend it to its limits. If they weren't strong enough, they would break. Heero knew that it was possible for this war to only bring the people to want peace more, but that wasn't likely. They'd be thinking about who they wanted to win. They would be thinking about themselves, how this war would affect them.

 

_ What about your Gods? They're Defective! They forgot the warranty _

 

They would most likely side with whichever side was winning. The people always wanted to be on the winning team. Then again, some people would remain faithful to the side they believed in the whole way through, fighting to the bitter end. Those were the people who made a difference. Those were the people that Heero was waiting for to came forth and defeat him. Heero knew that he would be defeated. Sooner or later, he would be. If the World Nation fell and war consumed the earth once more, everyone - including the Gundam pilots - would see that no one was ready for it. Not ready at all.

 

_ What about your town? It's Defective! It's a dead end street to me _

 

Then there were those people who thought that whichever way was their way was correct. Those people were always the ones to be defeated. Heero knew that starting a war was stupid and worked against everything he had fought for. He also knew that if he didn't start it, someone else would. Somehow, in the short time this had been in Heero's mind; it had gone from being a conceited wish of returning self-image, to something completely brilliant. The war might as well be started by the man who brought the peace upon the earth in the first place! Who better? Heero knew that was warped logic, but he was OK with that. Life was like that sometimes.

 

_ What about your school? It's Defective! It's a pack of useless lies _

 

Then again, there would be people who thought it was their own job to bring everything back to right. They were the ones who would do great things, but die in a fizzle. They were a lot like the people who thought that whatever they thought was right. But not quite. These people were idealists; they wanted what was best for everyone. They had the right idea, but not the want to get something done. No, the ones to end this would be the ones looking for answers, not the ones who thought that they already had the answers.

 

_ What about your work? It's Defective! It's a crock and then you die _

 

Some people would enter the war half-way through. They would be the ones out for revenge. They would either wind up saving the world like Heero had done, or would wind up destroyed by their own hate. They were the uncertain ones. The ones with pain in their hearts. The ones like Wu Fei. He had had this thought. He had wanted revenge. But he later realized that he was fighting for himself instead of someone else. This knowledge will either kill its finder or be taken in as right. Depending on their choice, that person would either die or win.

 

_ What about your childhood? It's Defective! It's dead and buried in the past _

 

Then a few rare people would fight because they had something to protect. These people would do great things, but not the kind that everyone looks for. They would be the ones to help those who would be the heroes of the war. They would give them the necessary push. They would show them how to find the answer; or they would give them the answer. These people were likely to either be killed or protected. They weren't going to become great soldiers.

 

_ What about your future? It's Defective! And you can shove it up your ass! _

 

Heero knew that by starting this war he was taking a great risk. He was risking his own answer. But that was alright. He needed to lose his answer so that someone else could find it, clean it off, and use it for themselves. Finding an answer would make the weak weaker and the great greater, it has no happy medium. It will either help or hurt. This all depends on the finder. They have to want this answer. That's all there is to it.

 

_ I want my money back I want my money back _

 

Heero continued to plot out his war. Get the details, find the people, and get the materials. The world just sat on unsuspecting. No one ever expects a war. They are sudden. No, that's wrong. There are a few cherished people that can predict a war. Those are the people who will either start or stop it. The good and the bad. Except, in reality there is no good or bad. There will always be a reason behind the bad's actions and some sort of conceit behind the good. There can never be a totally evil or pure person.

 

_ It's all or nothing And nothing's all I ever get Every time I turn it on I burn it up and burn it out _

 

Life would continue to revolve. The pattern would keep going. Just the way it was meant to be. You can't change the fact that there will always be a cycle, but you can change the rotation. The only thing that can be done is to hope and wish for the change, then hope and wish for another, for it will never be good enough. Life will never suit everyone, so everyone will take life differently.

 

_ It's a never ending attack Everything's a lie and that's a fact Life is a lemon and I want my money back! _

 

Certain people will rise above this want, however, and give the world a new 'playlist' to choose from. Those are the people that Heero is waiting for. That is who he was. That is who those chosen few are. You cannot choose to be this person, something inside you pushes it forward and you feel it circulating around your body. Heero will wait for the chosen few to come and defeat him. We will do the same, as there is nothing else that we can do. Just sit and wait. Leave it at that. If your turn's over, get out of the way and let someone else have a chance.

 

_ And we're always slipping through the cracks Then the movie's over - fade to black Life is a lemon and I want my money back! _

  
  



End file.
